2026-05-29
I understand truths about human nature that I don't know how to transmit
Disclaimer
- personal
- target audience - strictly myself
Main
- It is easy for me to keep yelling at people like here is why your career preferences are fucking stupid, and here is why your dating preferences are fucking stupid, and so on.
- What I actually should be attempting, if I am ambitious enough, is try and explain to people why there are better ways of going about these things.
- But a) whenever I tried explaining shit to people in the past it usually failed b) I'm not sure even someone who was good at explaining would be able to persuade all that many people, it's unclear to me.
- One reason I fail to persuade people is that I am extremely judgemental and a bad listener. My stance is not "okay I understand where you are coming from but here is how you can do better", my stance is "I don't understand where are you coming from and I don't care to, but I know it is fucking stupid wherever it is coming from, and here is how you can do better." Obviously the latter is a message far less people are interested in hearing.
Main 2
- Why is living in mainstream society so painful for me?
- Peter Thiel's voice in my head whispering again "the madness of crowds" and me going "yay."
Improved social skills has made me hate society more
- If I compare myself to Samuel as a 13 year old, Samuel as a 13 year old also hated society, but it is more of things like "why am I not happy?" "why don't I fit in?" "why is nobody atheist?" etc. I didn't understand other people's mind contents that well.
- You might think that improving social skills of said person will make him more happy.
- You guessed wrong motherfucker, I now hate society with a fury that would surprise Samuel!2014.
- It is because I understand people even better now, even know how to make friends with them, that I am even more mad at these people.
- Like, I think Samuel!2014 understood at some level that it was himself and his immediate environment that was broken, and didn't really try to be altruistic or think about fixing the whole world or whatnot. Samuel!2026 clearly understands that it is all of civilisation that is broken and in need of fixing, not just himself. You fuckers.
- I don't know how to stop being angry lol, even if I personally go butcher a billion people, this is not actually going to quench my rage.
- If you kill people because necessary evil, that is fine. If you kill people because you think it will get you revenge or satisfy your rage, guess what my mind doesn't work like that. Revenge doesn't satisfy me. I don't know if it satisfies others or not, but not me.
- I am angry enough to kill people.
- I remember Samuel!2018 reading the Mockingjay like 20 times, and being obsessed with serial killers, and watching kill footage online, and trying to prove to himself that he doesn't actually care much about other people dying.
- Samuel!2026 is instead more like, wait now I am actually capable of caring about people, I am just too mad to.
pause
- I should write more about what my past self thinks about all this, that actually made me feel something.
New video idea
- Take a page and write a hundred times "you have abandoned me to die, you bastards" and then record it and upload it online.
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