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2026-07-17

Date me

Disclaimer

target audience - potential partner, or someone who can refer me to one
Notes to self shifted to separate document

About my ideal partner

I am looking for someone who satisfies following criteria:

Mandatory criteria

Note

Most of these mandatory criteria are either common sense, or lessons I've learned the hard way.

Mandatory criteria

You are a (cis) woman in age bracket 18-40. (For reference, I was born in 2001.)
You are living in, or willing to shift to, a tier-1 city in India. As of 2026-06, I live in Bangalore.
- (Alternatively, should be willing to help me shift countries. There's significant probability I will shift cities soon, can't discuss the details here. I am aware that me fixing a city to live for many years will simplify things a lot here.)
I ideally want a polyamorous long-term relationship. Otherwise, a short-term relationship
You are intellectually curious
I am a capital A Atheist who worships at the altar of technological progress, if done safely. I am willing to die for my God. I am willing to kill for my God. I wish to spend (what might be) the last few years of my life worshipping in the temple of my God. (Yes, this is metaphor but I think there is some truth to it.)
- (Ideal but not mandatory) I would like to marry someone who worships the same God I do. As in, you are also willing to go as far as I am, to defend the same civilisational ideal of safe technological progress.
- (Mandatory) You accept that I may end up in prison or dead as a result of my work. You accept that there may be an increased risk to you as well, for associating with me frequently.
- (Mandatory) You accept me though I will in rare circumstances use violence or threats of violence to protect myself or people I care about (this could include protecting you, if and only if you want me to). Disagreeing with me over this is fine, not accepting me is not fine.
- (Mandatory) You don't require meeting me more than once a week. You understand that I have goals I wish to devote time to, and don't see this as competition for my attention.
You are willing to grant me a high degree of freedom, including freedom to change my core worldview and resulting actions in the future. (This is vague and abstract, but I don't know how to make it less abstract yet.)

Nice-to-have but not mandatory criteria

Note

If you match even half of the below criteria, you should consider yourself a good fit, atleast in theory. I don't have a very deep understanding of my own preferences so this list is low confidence guesses.

Nice-to-have but not mandatory criteria, based on previous experiences with dating

You are highly independent yourself, or willing to move towards a position where you are eventually highly independent. This includes financially, emotionally, etc. I can help with this ofcourse.
- (Based on previous experience.)
You are high on Openness to Experience.
- But also you understand I will not always be in for spontaneous plans in my current phase of life, because I have other priorities.
- (Based on previous experience.)
You have a unique perspective on or appreciation for atleast one important aspect of life, which I currently lack.
- (Based on previous experience.)
You are in a different profession from the ones I most frequently interact with by default (software/finance).
- (Based on previous experience.)
You are a simple person.
- (Based on previous experience.)
You also prefer Ask culture not Guess culture.
- I am fairly blunt. I can tone this down if requested, but only to some extent.
- (Based on previous experience, multiple women had an issue with this, it is possible you are different.)
You are accepting of the fact I am often unhappy.
- I don't necessarily expect you to be a good listener for my problems (although it wouldn't hurt if you did). Often the easiest solution for me is to just spend time alone when I am unhappy, and meet you when I am doing better.
- I have tried very hard to fix my unhappiness over multiple years, but now I've shifted a bit towards just accepting it. I am hopeful I will fix this in the upcoming years, but I can't promise it.
- (Based on previous experience, multiple women had an issue with this, it is possible you are different.)

Nice-to-have but not mandatory criteria, based on my guesses about the future and/or only loosely related previous experiences

You want kids at some point
- I don't have a strong opinion on this topic yet, but my weak opinion is I want kids some years later, once there is more clarity on what the world plans to do regarding artificial superintelligence and human genetic engineering.
- If you want kids with me, you should be atheist so we don't conflict over how to raise the kid. Otherwise, we could still date, but I will probably eventually have kids with another partner who is atheist
You have growth mindset, not purely complacence/acceptance mindset.
You have atleast one goal in life besides maximising hedonism, that you are actually serious about.
You don't regularly consume any substances.

Criteria I don't use when filtering people

I am fine with it if you are attractive to me but not like, extremely attractive. I think this tends to matters less once you fall in love.
I am fine with you having physical or mental health issues.
I am fine with a difference in socioeconomic class or education (as long as you are intellectually curious).
I am fine with moderate differences in political opinion.
I am fine with you having different lifestyle or spending habits from me.
I am fine with a large age gap in either direction (within legal limits).
I am fine with you having different hobbies.
Et cetera

On conflict and compromise

If we have a conflict for whatever reason, I will put in significant effort to find a compromise. I cannot guarantee we will find a compromise, however.
In particular, if I'm put in a situation where I'm forced to choose between acquiring knowledge and power to reshape the world, and keeping my partner, I will pick the former.
It is possible I continue to love you after we break apart. Sometimes that is the best outcome.

About me as a partner

Note

This section is significantly still a work in progress.
Short version is I have genuinely very little idea what women appreciate about me (although non-zero women clearly do appreciate me), so I don't actually know what is most important to list here. Also I got bored trying to figure it out via theory alone, so I abandoned this project midway.

More information about me

If you want more info on me, some places you might wanna look:

My personal website has a few personal posts now
Click "Videos" for work-related videos on samuelshadrach.com homepage. Don't have many personal videos yet, sorry.
Scroll below for photos
Maybe or maybe not relevant posts
- Miscellaneous list of emotionally intense experiences of my life - If you want to understand some experiences that shaped me, at an emotional level
- Dating master post compiled using AI - Asked AI to summarise lot of my rambling on the topic of navigating value differences in relationships
- More ramblings on who I think I wanna date - Biased by Jacob Falcovich's dating advice
- Dating and my outlier traits - My guesses of ways in which I differ from median person
- My older (now abandoned) date me doc - Biased by Geoffrey Miller's criteria, which I trust but only partially. It is too aimed at the median man or woman, and I'm not aiming to be either the median man, or look for median woman.
- Why I am polyamorous - This post is messy. The really short version is I ideally don't want a short-term/casual relationship, I want to atleast aim for something long-term. (Whether we succeed or not is a different matter. I am aware that succeeding at finding something long-term could require a bunch of hit-and-trial with short-term.) Also, I don't want to precommit to having sex with only one person till I die, that just instinctively seems like a terrible idea to me.
- Maybe the solution to dating across political differences is to meet less often - I am still trying to figure out how people navigate value differences in their relationships
- "Actually agree" versus "agree to disagree yet accept" versus "do not accept" - also about how to navigate value differences in relationships

My hobbies

To be quite blunt, I don't actually spend that much time on hobbies nowadays. However, here's some activities we could do together

play board games
go swimming
attend dance class
go karaoke
jam together (I play drums)
(I am also open to new hobbies, although there's no guarantee it'll stick. We don't necessarily need to have the same hobbies in order to date, these are just some suggestions.)

Why this document doesn't contain more information about me

I have not tried to share a lot of info about myself on this doc itself. Why?

I don't yet know what is the best way to sell myself and who my target audience is. Hence I am just spamming lots of info instead.
- What do women like in general, what would women like about me in particular, and which particular types of women are these?
I increasingly think that some of this stuff is best done via "show, don't tell".
- See also: Why use "show, don't tell" on date me docs
Some things I actually can't post publicly, to protect privacy of others. For instance, I can't publicly post about romantic things I've done for women in the past.

Contact me

Please reach out if you are interested.

Referral system

Please also reach out if you can connect me to someone who might be interested. (For instance, you can send them this post.)

If you connect me to the right person, you will be doing me a huge favour, and I will make sure to repay the favour in whatever way you prefer. This could a favour in return, or a payment, or similar.
In particular, if you want to be paid, I can pay you $3000 for connecting me to someone I stay in a relationship with for atleast 5 years, and $600 for connecting me to someone I stay in a relationship with for atleast 1 year.