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2026-03-11

Do I even have spare attention for a partner, lol

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Sasha Chapin's post is just more datapoints for the hypothesis that making people feel seen, and advice, are two core aspects of human interaction. Most people are starved for attention, not capital. See also: how to make friends and influence people - also talks about how people have ego and feel validated when you make them feel seen.
I want to listen a limited number of times, before I eventually grow tired of them not wanting to switch to advice-receiving mode and advice-implementing advice. Limited number of times meaning few months at most.
If my partner is interested in some random hobby, good for them, but do I even really want to pay as much attention to it just because they do? I might actually, it's hard for me to guess this in advance.
too sleepy to finish this writeup

update

just realised one nice-to-have trait
they should be sufficiently good at whatever it is that they do, that I shouldnt be able to take one look at it and instantly solve it. Like, they're putting in a lot more hours than I am, so if they're actually competent they should have (over a period of some months or years) some real insights into the thing they are doing, that I can't trivially and quickly get. And this should increase with time.
I still put this in nice-to-have not required category.
Basically I want them to live a fast-paced life intellectually maybe? Whatever it is they are studying, I should be able to look at them every year and feel they've learned new and important things compared to the year. I am very clearly this way, and I want someone else who is also like this maybe?

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