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2026-09-21

I miss the version of myself that was capable of enjoying slow travel

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So much rage. Sometimes I surprise myself with how much anger I am capable of preserving in myself, and for how long.
Buried under 2-3 years of ephemeral happiness is 20 years of accumulated rage.
I should learn to separate my anger from childhood stuff (and around religion) from my anger around ASI risk stuff. These are two different sources of anger and deserve two different responses. With the first one, there is a lot of time so I am playing the long game. With the second one, time is at an extreme premium, every single week of lost time can come to haunt me on my deathbed.
Anyway ya, seeing some hinge profiles reminded me of how happy I was while travelling, atleast some of the time. Sad I am not capable of enjoying in the same way anymore. Too focussed on my goal, anything besides my goal goes in mental "delete" bucket now.

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