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2026-09-11

I want to find someone to love because I don't want to be 24x7 driven by fear and rage

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Deep down I feel unsafe, hence angry, hence wish to wage war against the enemy, which is for now a specific party but ultimately my war is against the whole world. I have hated humanity far longer than I knew about ASI risk. I have been someone who protects the truth at all costs, for far longer than that. And humans hate the truth hence I hate humans.
And like yes, the war is for a worthy cause, it is worth waging. Fuck people, the truth is more important. Fuck them extremely hard.
But the war can also waged with less emotion. I don't need to be 24x7 angry to wage the war. It can be done with much less emotion.
Somewhere I seem to hope that maybe if I had someone to love, then I could spend some of my time thinking about them as well, instead of being 24x7 consumed with rage.
I am perfectly capable of waging war 24x7. I have been at war with the world, in some way or the other, since I was 4 years old lol. (Can't share details here.) I can be pretty high functioning despite being angry or depressed or whatever. But I would prefer not to be.

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