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2026-06-28

X: Attended one week full of meetings with friends. Y: It was meh but I should do this anyway

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Attended one week full of meetings with friends. Forced myself basically.
My speaking-to-listening ratio has gone down by a lot. Almost nothing seems worth truly engaging with. In most conversations I just provided minimum engagement to keep the conversation running and show that I am actually listening that's it. I am surprised how little this affected the conversations. Most people just want to yap about unimportant crap.
I don't trust most of these people's judgement on important topics, and I don't see any value in trying to change their mind on most things. So now I don't even bother. Just listen lol, they just want someone to listen I guess. Although beyond a point I'm unsure if they even want that. It varies person to person too.
Some moments of these meetings actually felt kinda ridiculous. Like, I am just wishing, I hope I get to see these people again, I hope they don't die, I hope this isn't our last meeting. And in contrast some of the stuff they talked felt so ridiculously unimportant. But like, fine, whatever, maybe this is what I signed up for. I have no right to complain.

Learning from this

My neuroticism is reduced by a lot. I should have atleast two meetings per week, preferably with friends, preferably atleast one meeting that also has women. None of this makes me happy, none of this gives me much value professional, it is complete useless crap but maybe I should do it anyway. Being isolated and neurotic is significantly worse.
I am capable of keeping my rage under control enough to actually listen and not lash out at people. For now. I still have fair bit of suppressed rage, it even makes it difficult to speak sometimes, I am that angry. But also I am capable of keeping it in check, for now.
People understand my situation atleast to a minimum extent, and they're genuinely like fine, okay, whatever. I have temporarily given up on trying to change all these friends' minds about anything.

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