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2026-09-24

X: Swam in 14 foot pool. Y: Good day

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Main

I was otherwise losing motivation to work in the middle of the day. Glad I got enough productive work done, and went swimming in a deep pool (first time ever!) just like I wanted to.
I couldn't figure out how to touch the bottom. I figured out you need to breathe out, and yes you do fall deeper when you do, but I still didn't reach the bottom. After that need to actively use arms I think. I don't have enough lung capacity to hold breath for that long. It is definitely atleast partially a psychological game. I can easily make atleast 4 strokes to come back up (hence I should be able to reach the top even if I started from the bottom), but mild level of reflexive action (as opposed to actually thinking) starts triggering for me after the 2nd stroke itself.

Main 2

I miss the version of me that was capable of just enjoying visiting a mall with friends. I still do this occasionally but it is not as fun. (Depends on who I go with, as well.)
I miss the version of me that could derive pleasure out of random girl in class measuring my pulse. This was back in class 1 or 2 or something, if I remember correctly. I miss the version of me that could enjoy explaining Inception movie plot to a senior. This was in middle school.
I still can do these things, they just feel more muted. I have more judgement and more apathy for the median girl, also ofcourse the people I meet now are closer to my current age hence older than the people I met as a kid.

Main 3

A good part of military training kind of sucks actually. AFAIK the main benefits are stuff like you become more confident (downstream of actual competence, physical and mental) and you have a group you bond deeply with. Shared experiences of suffering bond people.
I seem to just want the military training (or atleast the noob ass civilian version of it), but don't have the shared group.

Main 4

I coin the phrase "Sad 4D effect" to refer to the phenomenon where when I am happy, I want to be more in the present in the moment and not analyse too much, however when I am sad I want to record what happened in 4K resolution, then introspect deeply to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. As a result, a majority of my notes are made while unhappy.
I made today's note deliberately to counteract the "Sad 4D effect". Otherwise I actually didn't feel that strongly about making today's note lol.

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