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2026-03-31

ASI xrisk and judging others

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• Quick Note

Trigger for writing this note - Just woke up from a dream where I was hugging a woman (presumably we were dating? idk, this detail was not clarified in the dream)

Main

• Would I be so judgemental of people if I wasn't so terribly lonely?
• Probably not honestly. A lot of my judgement is coming from a place of neediness. I need you to believe the world is ending, so that I feel normal.
• It's like this invisible wall has been put up between me and everyone I ever meet.
• I just want a hug from someone I care about who also cares about me.
• But then I'm like, wait, I do have male friends I could get a hug from. Why does that not help?
• I don't know, I see myself as a dangerous sort of person. And then I project that on others and think they're dangerous too.
• Or they're not dangerous, in which case I'm more likely to think of them as useless and incompetent? Like, the world is ending, ofcourse you should want power to fix this, ofcourse you should be prepared to make enemies. If you were actually serious, you should be preparing for war just like I am.
• Whereas I don't seem to expect the same from women? By default, I assume women are more capable at other things.
  • Like yes, emotional processing. Or even if it's technical stuff then fine.
  • I don't know, I think women fundamentally compete for power in different ways than men. Many women don't compete that hard for power, but to the extent they do, they either play status games and quietly undermine people's reputations, or they use the emotions you have for them (often sexual/romantic) to manipulate you. Both of these are quite negatively coded in my brain. There is no positive story I have in my head for how women compete for power.
  • Which is weird? Women want power too. I only have the boring story in my head of woman makes a bunch of money, that's it, as a fair method for women to acquire power.
  • I notice I am confused. I should read more about this maybe. "Routes to acquire power for women that have positive vibes associated"
  • I mean, there's the obvious positive route which is - attach yourself to a powerful man (by actually loving them) and become powerful by proxy. But there have to exist other routes too.

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