2026-10-08
List of things that make me more resentful versus less
Disclaimer
- personal
- target audience - strictly myself
Main
- Most of this list written at 1 am, hence almost certainly incomplete
List of things that make me less resentful
- IRL meeting friends atleast 1-2 times a week. Especially women. Especially people of middle or lower-middle class because I don't blame them for doing nothing while the world ends.
- IRL meeting women strangers atleast 1-2 times a week. Could be at events or going on dates or similar.
- Reminiscing my past relationship.
- Scraping Hinge to collect actual data, as opposed to more theory.
- Exercise of any kind. Lifting weights. Swimming. Even days that are physically exhausting due to lot of travel are not that bad.
- Sleep deprivation. (Not healthy to use in this way, but also, it works.)
- Few hours away from work, where I'm forced to focus on something else.
- Attend events where the organiser or host or speaker is clearly passionate about what they are talking about. (I have private lists of such events and people.)
- Being productive at work. In particular, publishing git repos or datasets, as opposed to more blogposts. (Vice versa being unproductive makes me more resentful.)
- Playing chess with kids, but only sometimes. In general, observing kids do stuff, but only sometimes.
List of things that make me more resentful
- Thinking about dating in the abstract. Thinking about what women are like in the abstract, but not meeting any women IRL. Thinking about what strategies work to find or pursue women in the abstract, but not actually implementing any of these strategies IRL. Swiping Hinge but not talking to any women over call at the very least (text and swipes are too detached to count for me).
- Any interaction to do with Lesswrong or Pause AI or EA. Too many of these people have a big morality-shaped stuck up their ass (i.e. they are not willing to sacrifice their morals in the way I am), and the rest are (often correctly) too scared to go against their govt because they live within the same country. Reading their content, messaging them, etc - none of this makes me happy.
- It is sometimes necessary ofcourse, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
- Talking to therapists who have moral disagreements with me.
- Trying to explain ASI risk to people and them not getting it. Or worse, them getting it and yet choosing to do nothing about it.
- Thinking about my enemies and me wanting to kill them.
- Thinking about ASI risk and how everyone I know is going to die.
- This is obviously absolutely necessary. How can you work on ASI risk without thinking about ASI risk? But it is also true that this makes me more resentful or atleast detached.
- Thinking about how nobody appreciates the truth. Thinking about how nobody seeks power, or if they do seek power it is for stupid reasons. Thinking about how everyone lacks courage. Thinking about how nobody makes long-term plans. Thinking about how nobody has beliefs they have conviction on, whether technical beliefs or moral principles. Basically, again, thinking about "people" in the abstract as opposed to thinking about specific friends or acquaintances or similar.
- Meeting male friends, but only sometimes, not always.
- Getting obsessed with random hobbies that have nothing to do with either work (i.e. stopping ASI risk) or meeting women.
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