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2026-05-24

There will be no forgiveness

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I just calmed down
I don't know if I even wanna sit and describe what happened. Some things can only be experienced, they can't be put into words.
- (Or atleast, I don't know how to.)
I don't know, just visualising murdering lots of people in pretty graphic detail. I am angry enough to kill lots of people. I could make notes about all the details but what does it matter. It could matter if someone else is reading this, but I don't care. I don't care. Go fuck yourself, anyone reading this.
I will slaughter a billion of you, before a single one of me.
I am just deeply truly mad about all of you who are going to get me killed.
What in the ever loving fuck am I doing with my life? This shitty flat and this shitty city and these *** people, the shallow games they play, and all the lies.
Even if I survive this, and like yes, there is still a possibility we survive this ... I still have atleast 60% chance of no ASI by 2035. Even if we survive this, there will be no forgiveness. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive these people for doing nothing while they watch me die. I don't just mean the bastards at the companies themselves, I mean the entire fucking humanity. Bastards.

I don't have time to be angry

I don't know, there's also a small voice in my head telling me "you dont have time to be angry." I can keep swearing at these people on the internet for years together, there is no end. These people will never change. Shouting at them won't change them. Judging them won't change them. I have to wake them up. I don't know how to wake them up. Shame on me for not knowing how. I can still learn. There is still time.
This is rage I will carry for the rest of my life.
Hells within hells within hells.
Hell is knowing that your anger at the other person is hurting you not the other person.
Hell within hell is knowing that even though your anger is only hurting you, not the other person, you will still remain angry and you have no choice in the matter.
Why can't I choose?
Why can't I just hyperstition myself into not being angry?

It's almost funny

I have often wondered, I could just make a video chanting slogans "Death to Elon Musk. Death to Ilya Sutskever. Death to Marc Andressen. Death to Shane Legg." and so on.
What is even the point?
How do you wake up the living dead?
It's like, I get out of my room and there's just this endless zombie horde, the unborn, the testament to our failure, the sheep ready for the slaughter. Ten thousand years of history wiped out in the blink of an eye.

Maybe I should not work tomorrow

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