2026-06-03
Dating and my outlier traits
Disclaimer
- personal
- target audience - strictly myself
Main
- I don't know, this is like nth dating post. I will compile all of this into something coherent later on.
- I am vaguely worried I am writing all of this out of a neuroticism / desperation. There's definitely non-zero of that going on. But also, I think I am trying to solve a real problm not just for myself personally, but for the world as a whole.
- side note - I just want a hug from someone who cares. I miss hugs. Hugs make me feel safe.
- In this post I will list only traits on which I can say I am in outlier as compared to population. Like, 80 percentile or 90 percentile.
- This is actually a little bit hard to do. Sometimes the things I value in myself and the things other people value in me are entirely different, and I may not even be aware of the latter. Still, let me try.
List
- Protectiveness
- I think I am an outlier in terms of being rational yet protective at same time.
- There are stupid ways of being protective where you get into male aggression contests and so on. There is a stupid way of being protective where you might risk your life when it isn't actually needed.
- But also, when it is rational to do so, I can even risk my life to protect people I care about.
- When it comes to life-or-death situations, I think I have a selfishness that would surprise people and an altruism that would surprise people. (But also, I think a lot of people will surprise each other when it comes to life-or-death situations).
- Like, if I have to risk 10% chance of me dying to save a loved one, I might just do that, and I might not need all that much time to decide. Vice versa, if it is a kill-or-be-killed situation where literally either I die or I kill my loved one, I might just kill my loved one, and again I might not need that much time to decide. It will be painful ofcourse, but I can just be like 'yes, the math says do X, so go do X.' [1]
- Or even in say, train accident I have been in, or when I got robbed or similar, I just trusted like okay what does the math say about what I should do next. Should I run away, should I call the police, should I do nothing, etc
- Rational
- I am definitely an outlier in terms of being a rational person all the way down. Like, I don't just use rationality to solve math problems. It is also everyday things like, okay what is the probability of getting into an accident here, how much time will I lose if I do X, what are the top ways of solving XYZ, and so on. I think most people have some blindspots where they sometimes unintentionally sometimes intentionally avoid being rational about it. I am sure I have some blindspots too, but they're narrower than a lot of people, and I have more self-awareness about where these blindspots lie I think? Unsure.
- IQ
- So obvious as to not be worth mentioning but I am definitely among top 90 percentile IQ
- Note taking
- If I was with someone for many years, I would literally have hundreds of pages of notes about them. This is my way of doing sense-making. I basically buy the whole Ray Dalio thesis that if you capture more info about people, you can design better social stuff at both individual and group level. With friends I just often forget what is even in my own notes, but I can imagine putting more effort for a partner.
- Willingness to play long-term game, but also pivot a lot
- I don't know. Many people genuinely claim to want long-term relationship and long-term career. But when they envision this what they actually mean is something boring and stable.
- I hate boring and stable with a passion. But also I want to maintain long-term relationships (platonic and romantic both) that survive despite all the life pivots I make. I have some friendships with people I've known for over 10 years and I am happy about that.
- I am definitely in top 90 percentile in having a life mission that isn't just boring money, career, family, sex, etc
- Willingness to be extremely independent, willingness to be disliked by people
- Self-explanatory. I am fairly low status seeking
- Creativity
- I'm not sure if I am in 90 percentile here or not but I can be creative yes. I never figured how to do it an organised way though, like fiction writers or artists or similar, maybe I just never prioritised that skill.
- Protective of other person's independence
- Just as I am fiercely willing to guard my own independence, I am also willing to be as fierce about guarding other people's independence. Can be valuable especially in India, where parents and others want control over women's decisions with career and marriage and similar. I actually often want more independence for people than they want for themselves, which can cause issues. I guess I would be valuable to a narrow subset of women who also want to be fiercely independent.
- Honesty
- I am probably in 90 percentile when it comes to honesty to a partner, but I am not sure. I think many people are honest, but many people also tell white lies for social reasons. I can tell white lies to the public but not to people I love.
[1] Side Note
- Maybe explore this more? What changes between 10% p(death) and 100% p(death) that shifts you from extremely altruistic to extremely self-interested?
- I think one factor is definitely poor rule of law in India. If you can threaten people and show you are capable of violence, you very often don't actually need to engage in any violence.
- Imagine I was living in a utopian country with perfect rule of law, would I still endorse these claims? I don't know, it seems a lot more plausible that I literally would not have thought about the topic, or spent less time thinking about it.
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