2026-05-07
I am not fun or high status
Disclaimer
Main
- If I actually look at data of people around me who are successful in dating versus not, these two seem like they're among the biggest points of difference between me and the more successful people.
- I need to rely more on data and less on castles of theory I am building. Doing theory is not bad, but trust the data a lot more
- Fun
- data
- I have met more than one woman who explicitly said they're attracted to guys with sense of humour, and I am inclined to believe them.
- I can point to more than one guy I know who explicitly signals they're fun, be it in their dating app profile, be it on a first date or similar, and this seems to work atleast a little.
- me
- I am like, the opposite of a funny person?
- I am not interested in random ass hobbies. I might be interested in them while on dates but also, it feels like a compromise. "Because if I find you attractive and want to spend time with you, I am doing this random ass hobby I am otherwise not all that interested in." This is a bad structure, it seems better to actually enjoy the hobby.
- Maybe this is something I should actually try to change myself on? I am not sure.
- I need better people though. Many of these Bangalore hobby groups, could be painting or dance or music or whatever, are filled with these corporate slaves who make me want to seppuku (see previous post for more on this). I find most people incredibly boring and hence I find the hobby boring as well. I naturally gravitate to very solo hobbies, like playing chess online or playing some board game online or visiting the beach alone or reading some random arcane blog.
- I don't want to blame the people in corporate jobs too much (I blame them a little). Mostly it's just, my curiosity towards them is completely dead.
- lmao this is so complicated. "indian parental control" -> "most people in bangalore hobby groups are corporate slave idiots" -> "I dont want to do hobbies with them" -> "I cant signal I am a fun person to potential dates" -> "I am single"
- High status
- data
- Literally every dating book or research paper on planet Earth admits that women are attracted to men who are respected by many people (either men or women). Having previous relationship experience makes you more dateable. Having the respect of a group of men makes you more dateable.
- I think I do know atleast some guys for whom this applies to. It doesn't apply to all the men I know though, who are successful in dating.
- I don't know man, I think some women are fucking retarded, and having random corporate job title on your CV makes you high status in their eyes. Some women are clearly interested in finding a man with a well-paying job, that's it. I have met more than one woman like this, so I know.
- me
- Not only am I not status-seeking, I am like, anti-status-seeking. "I refuse to belong to any group that wants me as a member" - Groucho Marx
- I seem to generally prefer a fairly solitary life.
- If any group respects too much and wants to spend too much time with me, I actively want to go away from that group. I think life is a very big game and I don't want to be stuck with mediocre average people. If a Peter Thiel or Rahul Gandhi respects me, I appreciate that. If random ass college student respects me, I am like, fine whatever.
- Most of my lasting friendships are 1-to-1 not groups. Groups tend to derail serious conversations or truth-seeking at a rate far too high for my liking.
- I have received the common sense advice to go join some hobby group and claim high status there, and use that to attract women. My body just physically reacts like no, I am not doing this, fuck this. See the other section for reasons I hate hobby groups.
- I actually do like some hobbies atleast a little. Like, I'd be happy going to play instruments with some band for example, I just have no interest in like, actually joining their band and being there full-time. I just look at people and I'm like, no, I don't want to hang out with these people.
- Maybe I am subconsciously regulating myself to want low status? Because I have been the truth-seeking low status person for most of my life, I might be subconsciously reacting against any group that wishes to grant me high status. Interesting hypothesis, worth considering more.
I think making this writeup was useful. I think my single biggest takeaway is that when I go back to Bangalore, I need to find a way to meet people (both men and women) who are not into corporate slavery. I need to find people who are actually serious about some goal that is not money maximisation (or hedonism).
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