2026-03-31
Repression
You're allowed to want both?
Part of me still seems to want casual sex. Part of me gets reminded by past experiences and realises that median casual sex experience is just kinda mediocre and not worth optimising for. And like, actually falling in love is so different from this it doesn't even compare. Like, it's not even about magnitude or intensity, they're just completely different experiences. Or so I've observed. Extrapolation from limited data.
Maybe useful to remember that there isn't exactly a strong conflict between these two desires. I'm allowed to want both.
The problem is just, both of these are non-linear difficulty curve but in different directions?
And honestly both of these feel like a distraction from what is actually my life priority right now.
Like, having a gf is great, but pursuing gf is waste of scarce resource, namely my attention. You can have only one idea at the top of your head.
This is like the most boring problem in the world, someone must have solved it already. Or does everyone just suffer internal conflict over stuff like this? I know a lot of people have similar internal conflict (wanting gf, but not wanting to waste all of one's attention pursuing one), I don't know who solved it though.
Invert every idea in two ways
Many thinkers seem to have ideas in similar cluster
- Carl Jung on shadow
- "Judgment is shame projected outwards"
- IFS-type stuff - the parts of you that you supress in yourself, are parts you'll also want to suppress in others
- Attention is a scarce resource, if you're paying attention to X, you're also paying attention to Not X. The rest of the world maybe doesn't even think about X.
Some examples:
- Sentence: "If you keep blindly listening to your family for all your life decisions, the world will end and it'll be your fault."
- Negative: "If you keep blindly listening to your family for all your life decisions, maybe the world won't end."
- First-person: "If I start listening to my family for my life decisions, maybe the world won't end."
- Sentence: "Lots of casual sex won't make you happy."
- Negative: "Lots of casual sex might you happy."
- First-person: "Maybe casual sex could make me happy too."
- Sentence: "If I pay attention to your hobbies, I will lose focus on what I care about, and dislike myself more."
- Negative: "If I pay attention to your hobbies, I might not lose focus on what I care about."
- Sentence: "War against the AI companies is the only option."
- Negative: "War against the AI companies is not the only option."
- Sentence: "I will be happy when I am more successful in life."
- Negative: "I will not be happy even if I am more successful in life."
- Negative (kind of): "I am not happy therefore I will not be successful in life."
- Sentence: "I miss the person I was in my previous relationship."
- Negative: "I don't miss the person I was in my previous relationship."
Okay I'm not happy with these examples. Will write more examples later.
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