2025-01-20# Date meWriting this doc is hard because: - I have an incomplete mode
l of what I could one day appreciate in other people, and an incomplete model of
what other people could appreciate in me.- See [culture war thread](../my_ideas
/culture_war_thread.md), what is appropriate to discuss depends on where I live.
I value novelty highly so if you're interested in me romantically, you should pr
obably reach out even if the criteria below don't match. Cost of failure is very
low from your point of view, I would appreciate the attempt even if it fails.[C
ontact me](../contact_me.md) if you'd like to talk.Relationship style - **This d
oc is mostly about criteria for long-term relationship - which I'm willing to sh
are publicly.** - I probably want to get married. I'm straight. I can likely tol
erate mono. I have no clue if I want children, and haven't put enough thought in
to it. I'm not particular about what age I get married or what age you are. (I c
ould change my mind on these points later.)Money - I'm quite particular about ke
eping our finances separate. I could make exceptions if you're earning less than
10k INR / month but even so, I'm probably not the best match for you. - I'm oka
y dating someone with significantly less or more money than me. It comes with ad
ditional challenges, but my current guess is it can sometimes be worth putting t
he effort to solve them.Place - If I get financial backing, I probably want to l
ive in San Francisco. - Otherwise I could probably live in any tier-1 city in In
dia. - I might be open to living outside India or living in India but not in a t
ier-1 city. For this, I should end up liking the people and environment of your
city, it's not enough if I like you. Another restriction with living outside Ind
ia for the long-term is that I don't want to take a job so I may not be eligible
for visa. - (All of this could change depending on which phase in life I'm in.)
Time - I probably can't spend more than 1-2 days per week with you. I try to spe
nd a good amount of time working. I also value a minimum amount of alone time. (
This could change depend on which phase in life I'm in.)Values - I value authent
icity and emotional vulnerability highly, among close relationships. - I'm athei
st and can be annoying about this in private. We'd be a better fit if you're ath
eist too. - I'm somewhat altruistic and ambitious. We'd be a better fit if you a
re similar yourself, or atleast understanding of this aspect of me. - I don't le
t anyone else take my life decisions for me. We'd be a better fit if you take yo
ur own life decisions yourself too. I'd rather not start a long-term relationshi
p with you if I know other people (such as your family members) are going to int
erfere in a negative way some months or years later.I'm sympathetic to [Paul Gra
ham's advice](https://paulgraham.com/greatwork.html) on this.> Don't marry someo
ne who doesn't understand that you need to work, or sees your work as competitio
n for your attention. If you're ambitious, you need to work; it's almost like a
medical condition; so someone who won't let you work either doesn't understand y
ou, or does and doesn't care.Personality traits - Introvert. Nerd. Very curiousi
ty-driven. I look at the world through a very intellectual lens. This could be a
plus or minus depending on your own outlook of the world. - High openness-to-ex
perience. Not that interested in stability or minimising risk. If you're too low
on openness-to-experience or risk tolerance, we're probably a bad fit. - Direct
communication style, can give and receive feedback and criticism. I can dial th
is down on request but only so much, if you're very sensitive we're probably a b
ad fit. - I can put significant efforts (including one-sided) for others, can sh
are past examples of the same. - I'm not the most happy or emotionally stable pe
rson as of today. You will inevitably have to shoulder some of the burden despit
e my best efforts to find other solutions. (This could change in future.)Intimac
y - I find "actually wanting the other person to have a good time" to be more im
portant than just "not technically violating consent". My previous partners seem
ed mostly happy with me in this domain lol.Social circle - See my doc on [my peo
ple](../my_people.md) for more on this. My social circle is still evolving. Not
everyone I know gets along with or even knows each other, so it's okay if you do
n't get along with some of the people in my circle either. Likewise I'm probably
not going to put a lot of effort trying to impress your social circle, although
I might put in a little effort if requested.Hobbies - Hobbies don't matter to m
e for relationship compatibility but I'm listing them anyways. - Travelling, boa
rd games (chess, catan), music (rap, rock, nightcore, etc), books (nonfiction, y
ou can read my posts on my research for more) - I tend to shift places often so
I prefer hobbies that are easier to carry arround. Extreme end of this is obviou
sly hobbies you can access on a laptop. (This is not a hard constraint, and coul
d change in future.) - I might be open to trying your hobbies too.