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2026-02-19

Update

The north star still remains: "Find atleast one sober person to hang out, such that I progressively go less insane not more insane while I keep them as a roommate."

I am still runnning experiment of just crashing at different people's places to see how it feels.
If I found a cofounder or girlfriend or something that would be ideal, but that will take time, so a roommate seems like the worse option I have to manage with it for now. (Cofounder more important than girlfriend, although both important.)

I also got a bunch of advice from a bunch of friends. Won't be sharing all of it here, but I will talk about two things.

Update

See also: On judging people, general version
I think I just need to experiment with actually keeping each of my strictly sober friends as a roommate for a week or two, and see if I go progressively more insane or less insane if I work alone, but while living with them. I have done enough theory, now I need to run the experiment.
- It is straightforwardly true that almost everyone's moral intuitions might be broken, be it people inside EA/LW space or people outside. See also: lonely dissent by yudkowsky or Asch's conformity test or similar. I really do need to figure out a bunch of stuff around morality from scratch. Also I need to figure it out in relation to an actual plan I wanna work on, be it persuasion or cyberattack or whatever. It can't be in some abstract moral philosophy sense.

I will quote the para from the other document verbatim, because it is important and I don't wanna lose track of it. It is very easy for me to lose track of priorities and just engage in more hedonism yet again (which will probably lead to further increasing the list of people I hurt, see below for that). So here it is.

Priorities

My first priority right now is to go schedule calls with lots of friends, create high bandwidth connections, interrogate them
My second priority is to figure out some solution to the substance abuse issue. I don't yet know how hard this will be or how long this will take. First priority and second priority are interlinked. I would find it easier to stay sober if I had some actual irl friends who were also sober, and I didn't think all their moral intuitions were broken, and I was able to actually connect with them as people.
After this I'll think of third priority. My guess is I need to figure out the morality of cyberattack thing, and why my intuitions run so anti-libertarian despite many of the people I truly respect being very libertarian-leaning software developers turned activists. "If something causes you pain, look at it, not away."
Fixing the dating stuff is lower on my priority list right now. (But also I do need to actually get to it and not postpone it forever. I don't think 'dont try to date for the next 2 years' is a great strategy for me either, because of many first-hand experiences in the past.)

2026-02-09

Update

I made yet another list of people I have hurt as a result of substance use, and uh ... it is larger than I remember.
The biggest problem is that this list has been consistently growing over the few months, despite me already trying a number of different things to fix. The long run trend is clearly that I might systematically destroy all my relationships if I extrapolate this even just another 6 months or 12 months. This is clearly highest priority problem to solve here.

Otherwise I will soon have to take the nuclear option, which is just hard commit to not consuming any substances, temporarily reduce contact with every single person in my life who consumes, and possibly even physically shift locations so that consuming becomes harder.

I press the button. Hard-commitment
I spoke to a friend and they independently recommendeded this exact solution that I was already proposing so yeah, let's go, we are doing this
I have now taken a flight to their place, to stay a few days and attempt some sort of clean reset.
- (I have confirmed with this friend that they are fine with me sharing an anonymised account of this online.)

I think I may be able to atleast somewhat fix my judgmentalness of other people, by actually asking people more questions about their life so that I understand them more deeply.

I hard-commit to messaging all my friends and actually doing this in the next week

also

the previous commitment to do one hobby (either new or old) a week is still on

2026-02-08

Update

Inability to enjoy social interactions without substances seem like the most urgent problem to fix here. I will just force myself to do some new hobbies, and see what happens.

2026-02-08

Update

I realise this post is missing context on what happened in 2021 and 2022 that made me my mood Above Average. Here is that context.
- I made close friends for the first time in my life in 2021 2022.
- I could confide any personal issues with them, for the first time in my life. They made me feel seen and heard, which hadn't really happened before in life for me.
- We had a lot of fairly exploratory discussions on tech, politics, philosophy and similar.
- We also spent a lot of time just consuming substances together.
As described by reasons in the original post, because I am now working full-time on ASI risk, I seem increasingly disinterested in either feeling seen and heard, or in exploratory discussions, or in receiving advice.
I am still atleast mildly interested in just consuming substances with people.
- But this is also separately fucking up my life in a couple of ways. The smaller reason is I end up consuming too frequently and hence wasting my time. The bigger reason is that even if I only consume infrequently, I seem to have tendency to cold DM people with messages they may not actually want. I can't reveal more details about this online.
- I find it hard to permanently quit finding people to consume substances with, because literally nothing else in life gives me much joy anymore.
- See also: Timelock substance use
- I think I will try atleast for some more time to figure out some sort of compromise here.
- Otherwise I will soon have to take the nuclear option, which is just hard commit to not consuming any substances, temporarily reduce contact with every single person in my life who consumes, and possibly even physically shift locations so that consuming becomes harder.
I am still mildly interested in trying out new hobbies.
- I think I will put some more effort into trying out new hobbies. I have a bunch of track record showing that this might go nowhere, but also I think I should ignore all that track record, and try some more regardless.
I am still mildly interested in finding a (preferably long-term) girlfriend.
- This seems like the type of thing that could lead to outcomes I can't forecast in advance. Again, not super optimistic, but I wanna atleast try and see what happens.
- Finding a long-term relationship increasingly seems like the type of thing that will be a significant long-term project. I'm not sure though, let's see. Like, I would love if I found the right person overnight by putting in some deliberate effort, and I do wanna search for some easy ways to do so. But also, I should be prepared for this ending up a project that takes multiple years to solve.
- I seem to have another coping mechanism associated with this, which is illegal and I will therefore talk zero about it online. The solution to this coping mechanism is just, use it a few times and you yourself eventually get reminded how this is a pointless coping mechanism you don't actually enjoy on reflection.
I think I may be able to atleast somewhat fix my judgmentalness of other people, by actually asking people more questions about their life so that I understand them more deeply.
- A lot of my judgmentalness is me guessing what their internal monologue is, based on the actions I see them do. But actually I do seem to getting these guesses wrong often, and I have recently gotten a bunch of evidence showing that. Therefore I should be more cautious about making such guesses.
- I could also maybe read more psychological literature on groupthink and connection between shame versus judgment and IFS views on groupthink.
I think my concerns around death anxiety are less around death anxiety and more around locus of responsibility versus control.
- Like, if the only issue was that there was a 15% chance I'm being killed or enslaved tomorrow, and there were no other issues, and there was nothing I could do about it, I'd probably eventually accept it. If the only issue was there was a 15% chance we were all being killed together, and there was nothing I could do about it, I'd probably eventually accept it too.
- But, if I believed that I could do something important about it, and there were only a hundred people on the entire planet at best who could do something important as of today, then the fate of all life on Earth is literally sitting on my head.
- This means that every small success or failure could register in my head as a big source of happiness or suffering. Every month of my life I waste consuming substances or something equally stupid means the same.
- I don't think I should lie to myself about this. It is actually literally true that there's a decent chance that the fate of all life on Earth is literally sitting on my head.
- I am not very humble. I do still straightforwardly think I can get more done here than most of the other people in EA/LW spaces. If this guess turns out wrong, we will see. But right now I am making confident guess I am among the top 100 people on Earth as of 2026 in terms of my potential to fix ASI risk. I am claiming this even though a lot of people in EA/LW spaces have more power than me, to invest into whatever plan they want. Having more power doesn't help if you're investing it in the wrong plan or action. I expect more people to keep entering this space every year, so I don't know if I will remaining in the top 100 in future.
- Maybe there is some way to believe this truth, but also stay more detached from outcomes of individual experiments. I don't know actually know if this can be done or not, I'm suggesting random ideas.
I am becoming slightly more okay with steep difficulty curve and having to pivot a lot. I don't think this is the biggest problem here.
- Like, I am starting to accept that yes actually, the problem I'm trying to solve is really hard, and many others have historically tried a variety of solutions similar enough to mine. Therefore, fixing the problem is going to involve a lot more small experiments, a lot more pivoting, etc.
- This is easier said than done, but the answer seems basically avoid emotionally investing too much into any specific solution?
I definitely think the stuff around morality and zero-sum conflict is important.
- Atleast some of my unhappiness is very directly coming from the fact that I endorse a bunch of solutions that part of me considers not very moral, but part of me considers necessary.
- This seems like a real hard problem and I don't immediately have ideas for how to fix.
I am still extremely interested in finding a way to leave India atleast for a few months.
- I have to test this out in-person, before either selecting or eliminating it. There is literally no other option.

2026-02-07

Update

See also: I am learning fast actually

2026-01-29

Update

Multiple people have told me that I seem to have a low baseline level of happiness, even if I ignore all external circumstances or my response to them.
- This is true.
- I have not been happy most of my life. I scored medium to low on Emotional Stability (aka Neuroticism) on OCEAN back in teenage and I still score the same now.
- However, simply knowing this doesn't give me a solution.
- Also, I have been happier in years 2022 and 2023, so I tend to hope that should be repeatable.

2026-01-05

Update

I'm impressed by the advice AI gave me. I don't yet know if it will work, but it is worth a shot.

Link to my conversation with AI

Let me reinterpret what the AI is saying:

Quick positive feedback that you are moving towards your goal, will give you some happiness.
My high-level goal is structurally one that has poor feedback loops if you work on it.
Even if I work on specific projects with tighter feedback loops (like "did this youtube video get likes", or "did this whistleblower guide get read by the relevant decision maker"), there are a few problems
- the tighter feedback on the project is only loosely connected to the final impact you care about. Just because your video got N likes doesn't guarantee the world didn't end.
- some projects are structurally unlikely to get feedback. It is expected that most AI employees who read a whistleblower guide will not act on it immediately or give you any feedback about it.
- an actual metric I care about that I could be tracking, is how much have I learned every week or month, even if it means learning from failure on specific projects.

Maybe tomorrow I will sit and explicitly make a list: Month-by-month, over the last 6 months, what did I learn each month? Because everything is documented on my website, I should actually be able to track this.

2026-01-04

Update

Something about this whole post makes me feel uncomfortable now. I do think most of the the statements in the post are still true (so the problem is not that some of it is wrong and in need of updating).

My guesses for what makes me uncomfortable:

Mildly worried about it being self-fulfilling. I might have a good day, then come back and read the post and remember, "oh right the longrun trend is still unhappiness and here's why, who cares about today being a good day, it won't last anyway".
- That being said, I have also previously spent many months trying to just lowkey delude myself into thinking my unhappiness is temporary and will eventually get fixed. Writing this post is partly me being honest with myself, that no actually, my unhappiness is a longrun trend and most quick fixes I put my hope into aren't working at all.
High likelihood that I haven't 100% accurately diagnosed the source of my unhappiness. It's possible I've diagnosed it 90% but not 100%, and continuously reading this post might prevent me from accurately diagnosing it.
- For example, an alternate hypothesis I today have for why I'm unhappy is not loneliness, but a sort of attention mechanism. Most people around me don't care about AI risk, and even parts of me don't care about AI risk, they care about normal ass concerns like finding a girlfriend and consuming substances with new people. Some part of me does resonate with my friends. Unhappiness might be a way for the parts of me that care about AI risk to bully the other parts into submission - "actually you do care about AI risk more than all this, you have to worry about achieving long-term goals for your long-term satisfaction, and some short-term unhappiness is worth it in order to get there". If I spend too long away from working on AI risk, the unhappiness kicks in and refocuses me back to working on AI risk. It's entirely possible that if I did not have this mechanism going on, I would not have been able to spend the last 6 months of my life consistently working on AI risk (and getting my ass kicked btw, working on it doesn't mean succeeding, although the learnings alone make it worth it).
- Lol wait did I just diagnose it correctly? It also explains why I want to spend only limited amount of time hanging out with people who don't care about AI risk. Idk, I'll think about it, and if this explanation still resonates with me some months later, I'll accept it as likely correct.

2026-01-03

Update

I realised haven't written much about hobbies / shared activities as a potential solution to unhappiness. Will try some hobbies out more, and report back how it went, after some months.

2025-11-24

Unhappiness since 2023

Disclaimer

Quick Note
Contains politically sensitive info

Summary

I have been unhappy since 2023, and expect to be unhappy in 2026 too.
My best theory for why is as follows: Me and people like me want power to fix AI risk. Peace between powerseeking actors can only be brokered at gunpoint. There is currently no stable ideology or political system that can broker this peace. Therefore our civilisation seems atleast somewhat fucked at a result. I am neither on track to fixing the world, nor having amazing relationships. Hence I am unhappy.

Am I happy?

Definition: I would consider my mood as Above Average, if I reported my mood as Above Average on a majority of days in a period of two weeks.
I was Above Average for most of 2021 and 2022.
I was Below Average for most of 2023, 2024 and 2025.
I expect to continue to be below average in 2026 as well. I have basically given up on finding solutions to this in the next few months, and this post is to summarise why.

Sources of unhappiness (Summarised)

I was dealing with some interpersonal conflict in 2023 and early 2024. This is now mostly resolved. To protect privacy of people involved in this conflict, I will not talk any more about this problem on the public internet.
I think the world might be ending due to superintelligence coming to Earth. I think I need to help fix this problem for the world. Most of my unhappiness today appears to be downstream of this.

Solutions to my unhappiness (Summarised)

I plan to leave India within next 12 months.
- I want to spend more in-person time with people who care about AI risk enough that they have restructured the rest of their life to work on it.
- Online calls I currently do are not sufficient, and in-person time would help.
I also publish my writings and content online, so that people who are ideologically aligned with me can reach out.
- It is possible I need to get better at becoming more persuasive, so I can find more allies.
- I don't currently consider most people working on AI risk to be my allies, as they are not willing to actively engage in conflict against AI companies.
I understand even doing all of this probably won't fully fix my unhappiness.
- Deep down I have basically just given up on trying to be happy. At an intellectual level I have accepted that I will continue to be unhappy for all of 2026 at the very least.
Unless I become clinically depressed I am unlikely to change my path.
- If I were to become clinically depressed, I can imagine spending multipe years trying to fix my unhappiness.
- I am currently okay spending a few weeks on experimental solutions to my unhappiness, but I am not okay spending multiple months on them, as this would take time away from my current plans to fix AI risk.

Why does AI risk cause me unhappiness? (Detailed)

Culture war stuff not directly related to AI risk

I am openly in disagreement with lots of people and ideologies around me.
Many people around me correctly realise that a maximally successful Samuel means the total obliteration of their religion or ideology from planet Earth. They correctly decide that it would be good in their eyes for me to fail at my life plans.
I typically ignore such people, and don't spend too much time with them. Much as I would like to remove bad ideologies from this world, I think fixing AI risk is a higher priority, so I don't let it distract me too much.
If I were to publicly get into conflict with any ideology, I would mostly use speech, and social and financial incentives. I would probably not resort to violence.
I think most of the suffering I see around me on a day-to-day basis is due to bad religions and ideologies. I am upset by the fact that I can't spend my time eradicating them, and have to spend my time fixing AI risk instead.
I have somewhat gotten over this sadness, and I have buried the rest of it for later. If I want revenge, I understand I need to play the longterm game not the shortterm game.
I have personally been hurt by people following what I think are bad ideologies, and I desire revenge. I think the best revenge in this case is not go to hurt anyone specifically, but to eliminate the ideology that inspired these people to hurt me. (I can't elaborate more directly about this, on the public internet)

Loneliness

I feel increasingly disconnected from anyone who does not care about AI risk.
- I still care about them as people, but there is little of value they can offer to me. Their advice is mostly not helpful, and their willingness to listen to me emotionally is also mostly not helpful beyond a point. After being listened to a few times, I ultimately want advice, and nobody has good advice because nobody around me is working on AI risk full-time.
- I don't want to spend too much time doing fun activities. This also reduces how much time I want to spend with most people.
- (I currently spend one day a week off work, usually with people, and all nights off work, usually alone.)
- Because they have little value to offer me, and I also have limits on how much time I want to spend offering them value, the result is we don't spend that much time together.
- I am able to relate to Evernote CEO Phil Libin's advice. He says you have a limited number of close friend slots in your life, and your biggest bottleneck to achieving great outcomes is finding great people to work with. Therefore don't even bother to make close friendship with someone you can't start a company with.
- I am currently not willing to go as far as Libin, but I get where he is coming from.
All my relationships come with terms and conditions attached.
- I value acquiring power to fix AI risk, more than I value any of my relationships. For example, if I support cyberattacks against AI companies, I will continue to support this even if most of my friends distance from me for doing so. If I support a hunger strike and do this, I will continue to do this even if most of my friends distance from for doing so.
- In practice, often a lot of people have preserved their friendships with me without actually agreeing with my opinions. I have realised most people are neither friends nor enemies, they just don't care. Actually caring about anything is in short supply in this world.
- This is better than I hoped but not ideal. I want to spend most of my time with people who agree with me, so that we can actually fight this problem together. I would rather have a few close allies than lots of people who tolerate me. (Obviously the ideal is to have both.)
- I am consistently on guard that I should be prepared to lose all my relationships, and keep fighting regardless. This reduces the quality of my relationships even while I still have them.
- I am always looking for reciprocity in professional connections. If someone asks too much of my time and can offer nothing in return, I will probably cut them off. (If they ask a little time, it is okay.) I have understood professional connections are hence even more emotionally hollow than friendships, atleast in initial stages. Eventually you can work together enough to the point where you're willing to tolerate more imbalance in who is helping who how much.
- I deeply analysed what type of partner I am looking to marry. You can read my date me document for more. I realised that many of my non-negotiable beliefs essentially come from wanting to fix AI risk, or wanting to acquire knowledge and power above all else.
- Maybe this is ok, but I need to put in more work if I want to find someone to date. Obviously being chronically unhappy is a major impediment to finding a partner.

Death anxiety

I have partly but not fully internalised the fact that I am going to die.
- I think doing the 18 day hunger strike was the closest I ever came to fully internalising how bad the situation really is.
- I think fully internalising it will make even more angry than I already am, and even more of a war monger than I already am. (And I already support cyberattacks and publicly humiliation of senior people at AI companies, so you can only imagine what being even more of a warmonger would be.)
I think if people around me also internalised their fear of death due to AI risk, that would make it easier for me to also internalise my own fear.
- Instead I find that most people around me don't care, which is disorienting.
- Emotions are social, humans are very hard-wired to copy the emotional expressions of those around them.
- I want to live around people who are also suffering and afraid due to AI risk. This will make me feel more normal when I feel afraid.

Steep difficulty curve

Trying to do something as big as opposing the US govt and the AI companies, comes with a steep difficulty curve.
Over the last few months, I had to go down a number of failed strategies, then backtrack and pivot.
- I looked into starting a new ideology to fix AI risk, but then realised this plan will fail as it will take longer than 5 years.
- I briefly looked into becoming a hacker myself, but realised how hard this will be (unless I get AI to write most of the code for the exploits, instead of me writing it).
- I looked into giving advice or collaborating with other content creators online, but then realised it is better to make content myself. I am still figuring out how to git gud at making content on youtube around AI risk.
Obviously this causes a bunch of unhappiness. I am okay with this, and I have scaled steep difficulty curves before. (Cracking JEE, making money in crypto startups, etc.) None of those were as steep as this one, and even doing those had phases that sucked.

Zero-sum conflict

I spend most of my time thinking about zero-sum conflict that will actively cause suffering to people inside AI companies and the US govt.
This is not my biggest problem. But I can see why working on a more positive-sum project could make me more happy on a day-to-day basis.

I don't love my job

I love philosophing all day. (If you see how long this post is, you probably already get it.)
I don't love most actual work. I think social media channel is possibly highest impact thing you can possibly do for AI risk. But I don't enjoy working on social media channel that much.

Which of these is most important?

Definitely the loneliness is by far the biggest problem, out of all the problems listed above. If I had that fixed, I could probably tolerate everything else.

Possibly successful solutions

I have gained atleast some value from deeper theorising about how politics works.
- I have written atleast 10 pages of thought experiments where I would defect against my perfect clones. For example, imagine that me and my clone were put in a room with an ASI waiting to be controlled, and only one of us could control it. Imagine though that we were not 100% sure the other person was a perfect clone. We would probably have a fist fight to the death immediately, and not even try to coordinate with each other.
- I have understood at a very deep level that peace between powerseeking actors can only be brokered at gunpoint. There is no such thing as absolute trust between such people.
- Hence you have to use incentives.
  - If you want to change direction of US govt, create incentives against it by protesting against them, wielding political power against them, owning guns and so on.
  - If you want people in the pause AI movement to work together in any fashion, create incentives so that they gain more power by working together than separately.
  - If you want the fight for power over ASI or human genetic engineering to not eliminate love from this world, create a new political system that can enforce this at gunpoint. Markets and democracy are probably going to fail here.
- I have realised Moloch is not that actually that complicated.
  - Human values are just love (White Green) and power (Red Blue Black).
  - One person or system prioritises acquiring power and then people in their care can prioritise love instead. This is how capitalism and democracy work, and this is also how many of the political regime changes and wars that I like have worked. If you are a great leader, you ideally want to be someone who mostly values power, but also values love a little.
- I recently categorised all political ideologies in MtG colour wheel, and then categorised many of my friends, acquaintances and online bloggers on this wheel. It was eye-opening, and gives me better ideas on how to communicate better with them.
- I have analysed a lot of historical examples via such lenses, be it world war 1 and 2, or the cold war, or british colonisation of the world, or the rise of soviet union, and so on. I have written a bit about these topics, but a lot of it I haven't written yet.
- I will probably do more such theorising in future, and also learn to get better at communicating my ideas. I probably won't do it full-time though, but will spend atleast a few hours per week on it.
- Does anyone recommend I become a political philosopher full-time?
  - If I want to find stronger allies, I can see how such writings may help.
  - But also, this feels like a very indirect route, and takes time away from the direct route which is activating people to share, vote, protest, etc directly.
  - Some important aspects of what make a belief system coherent and resistant to attack, can only be learned via practice not theory. Also why I am not keen on becoming someone who only does theory and no practice.

Failed solutions

Therapy
- I did learn a bit of useful stuff from therapy, especially around dealing with interpersonal conflict.
- I did not really learn to fix any of my core problems around AI risk.
- I think therapists are more willing to accept problems, as opposed to wage war against them. A lot of what they teach are coping strategies not fighting strategies.
- This is also why I think most therapists follow a deontological code of non-violence. I am not that non-violent.
- To put it in the language of MtG colour wheel, therapists are Green and I am Black.
SSRIs
- I have used SSRIs some years back. I doubt they can fix my problems right now. I have a reasonably deep understanding of all the problems I have listed, and hence I don't think a chemical imbalance alone is the biggest issue.
- SSRIs have downsides I have personally experienced some years back. Hence I am also more hesitant to try them again.
Meditation
- I spent a few months regularly meditating 30 min a day.
- I don't have any outside view evidence to show this helped at all.
- I have a constant stream of thought running from when I wake up to when I sleep. I don't think meditation actually slowed or stopped this thought stream.
- Some people said I am meditating the wrong way, and there is some Advanced Technique (TM) that they know that I need to learn. I don't really see great outside view evidence to suggest I should spend another few months trying it out.
- I know a few ambitious people like Ray Dalio and Naval Ravikant who speak highly of meditation. This is the strongest datapoint for me to try it again.
- Practioners of meditation also typically seem to me to be people who accept reality (Green) instead of fight it (Black). Buddhism is explicitly in this direction. I don't think I am capable of accepting reality of AI risk and doing nothing to fight it. Hence I want nothing to do with this ideological cluster.
Diet, sleep, exercise, sunlight
- I have consistently maintained these for many months. This didn't fix my unhappiness. Although yes, maintain basics allows me to have decent productive output despite being unhappy.
Changing location
- I lived in Kohima for a few months. I am now living in Bangalore for a few months. I have lived in Delhi previously. I also spent a couple months living in Bangkok and Ho Cho Minh City.
- I think living in a major city where I have a few friends is best for me. I would like to live in SF for atleast a few months to check it out.
- None of the places actually made me happy. I definitely put some effort into making local friends in each of the places. I have friends where I currently live.
Changing romantic relationship
- I have been in one relationship in 2024. It was by far one of the best experiences of my life, and I learned a lot.
- We have broken up for reasons I don't wanna discuss on the public internet, to protect her privacy.
- This experience is partly what prompted me to think more deeply about who I want to date next.
- I am not very optimistic on a relationship fixing any of the major sources of unhappiness listed above. Maybe it could help a bit though, so I am still open to it.
- There is a lot of outside view evidence suggesting that a relationship can't fix life problems as big as the ones I listed above.
- Obviously I will even break up with my partner, if I find her actively opposed to my career plans on AI risk. Hence I might have to be on guard even against her, atleast for the few months, and worst case for the rest of my life.
- Probably this is okay. The types of major ideological changes that cause people to breakup typically happen over time periods of greater than five years, and having a good relationship that gets broken after 5 years, is okay. Not ideal ofcourse, and it is worth pre-emptively figuring out how to avoid this, but worst case if this happens, this seems acceptable. This is just me theorising.
- I have read about examples of religious differences in a marriage, and have personal experiences around this. I could write a longer post some other day but the short version is just, yeah it sucks if either of the partners prioritise their ideology above their love for their partner.
Changing friendships and work collaborators
- I have tried changing friendships a lot. Finding people who care about AI risk, finding people who don't care about AI risk, finding people into tech, finding people into history and politics, finding people who care a lot about me, finding people who don't necessarily care that much about me but offer good advice, etc.
- I can't obviously publish a list of all my friends here, but I can say that no permutation or combination really fixed my unhappiness or even changed it all that much.
- I can say that trying to isolate from people was a bad idea (I tried this too). It is better to have a few people around even if you don't talk very frequently.

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Unhappiness since 2023

Summary

Am I happy?

Sources of unhappiness (Summarised)

Solutions to my unhappiness (Summarised)

Why does AI risk cause me unhappiness? (Detailed)

Which of these is most important?

Possibly successful solutions

Failed solutions

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